Let's talk weight...then, now, & future.

If you have read my profile and the "about" section of this blog, then you know that I have several reasons; motivations if you will, for this blog.  While I am so glad to be able to help everyone who reads this with ideas and tips, etc, my biggest motivator for my blog is me.  Oh, gawd--that's so selfish, ain't it.?  What I mean is I started this blog to make me more accountable to myself.  I really started to slip backwards for a while and it scared me.  It really scared me.  I do not want to go back.  Scratch that, I WILL NOT go back to where I was.  Ever.  So I will use my blog to be accountable to myself and to all of you. 

With that said, I want to put it all out there.  ALL of it!  What am I talking about?  My numbers.  My weight.  Then, now, and still to come... I have already shared with you that I started out at 412lbs when I posted my before and after post.  That is what I weighed when I went for my first consultation in January of 2009. That is a number I will NEVER see again.  Never.  When I went in for my surgery on April 8, 2009, I weighed 406lbs.  Again, another number I will NEVER, ever know again. 

Since my journey started I have been tracking my weight loss.  The first year is when I lost most of my weight, but since January of 2010, it has been slooooooooow....and since April 2010 it has even gone up, which has caused me to often feel very frustrated and very discouraged. 
  
Let me break it down...

By April of 2010, one year post-op, I weighed 235lbs, which means I had lost 177 lbs!!  That is incredible, I know...and I am SO happy about that. However, since that time my numbers have been driving me crazy and like I said, it has made me very, very frustrated and very, very discouraged.  From April until now it has been up and down, up and down, up and down.  At my lowest weight I was 233lbs in August (notice, that is only a 2lb loss from April to August--4 months---can you imagine why I was very frustrated and extremely discouraged?).  From August until December my weight was still up and down, up and down, up and down.  But then, in December, it was up. Really, really UP.  When I weighed on 12/26/10, my weight was 250.8lbs.  That is a 17 1/2 lb GAIN in four months (again, can you understand why I was frustrated and discouraged?).  I keep having to look at the numbers and do the math, because is 17.5 lb gain even possible? Ugh.  All of this up and down made me get to the point that I just wanted to give up, because I felt defeated, but my trainers and other friends have tried to get me to understand that a good portion of that gain is muscle mass because I work out, a lot, and do a good amount of strength training.  At first, I didn't want to hear that.  I didn't care what the reason was, I was devastated about the gain.  Beyond devastated.  However, I have come to terms with it and after thinking about it, it is easier to know that some of my gain is from muscle.  That's good.  I can deal with that.  But, not all of it is and that, I can not deal with. But, I also know that I can not give up.  Ever.  I have to accept that my weight will always be a battle for me, it will always challenge me and I will always have to fight to lose weight and fight even harder to maintain it.  Always.

So, since I weighed in on 12/26, I have gone back to what I know, back to eating right.  I have also created a new plan for weight loss goals. My overall goal is to be under 200....more specifically, I'd like to get to 180lbs.  I think.  I say I think because I have NO idea what that is like. I don't know what it feels like or what it looks like, because I have never been that weight as an adult.  Now, I should share with you (those that do not know me and have never saw me outside of a picture) that I am 6ft tall~!  So even tho 180lbs may still seem high, it might work well for me since I am so damn tall~! Aside from that, truth be told, I don't want to be "skinny"....I am a girl who needs and wants a little meat on my bones! :-)  Gotta have a little sumthin to work with here...!! So, long term, that is my goal, but I know I need to break that down into small, realistic goals.  

My small focus, or short term goal, is to lose five pounds a month.  That's attainable.  If I follow the plan and maintain regular exercise, I can do that.  My plan is to weigh in each month on the 8th, since that is the date of my surgery~!!!  I will post each month about my progress. I created a chart for me to track it as I go and you best believe I will be posting it all right here on my blog.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  The highs, the lows, and everything in between.  

I did my first weigh in yesterday and <<<insert deep breath here>>>...my current weight is 245lbs.  So, already, I have lost 5 1/2 lbs, just since December 26th.  It's hard to know if that is a sign that my weight is still just going to be full of drastic ups and downs or not, but I'd like to think of it as a solid LOSS and a step in the right direction!  Even though technically I am still in the "I've gained" category, I am on my way back down and I WILL NOT STOP until I get to a place where I am comfortable with myself. 

So, here's to reaching my goals. One step, one day, one bite at a time! 


Till next time,
Autumn