Today, I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I still feel like poo. My head is pounding, my throat hurts, and I am just wiped out. The chest congestion is starting to break up, but it hurts like a mo-fo when I cough. Ugh. I've been up since 9am; it's now almost 3pm and I've managed to make a pizza (that I will show you in the next post), pay a few bills online, pick up a few things, and type this blog post. I am moving slow and between each move, I have to take a break b/c I get exhausted. My sister is here doing her laundry and I finally was able to get her to help me clean my house. She even washed the dishes for me. :-) That really helps me, b/c there is no way I could've stood over the sink long enough to wash them (I don't have a dishwasher...<<tear>>). Thanks, butt head. Eh-hum, I mean Cortney.
So, being sick has made me CRAVE carbs like CRAZY. Well, I forgot to mention that aside from being sick, it is that t.o.m. for me and well those two together and given me a hard time this week. I have just wanted to eat crap, junk, more crap, and more junk. Processed carbs, specifically french fries, have been screaming at me...."just eat me Autumn; you're sick so you have an excuse". Seriously. Damn food demons. Everytime those voices start to tell me that just one order of fries from Wendy's or McDonalds or where ever wont hurt me, I allow the common sense in me to kick in and remind myself that one trip is a trigger and leads to a downward-out-of-control-spiral in the wrong direction. One order of fries today becomes another order tomorrow and another order the next day with a burger or some other not-so-great-choice; then I keep going back to that drive thru day after day or week after week, everytime saying..."this one time wont hurt me", trying to convince myself that it wouldn't. Well, now I know that it will. I have learned that one trip thru the drive-thru making a poor choice like greasy french fries (b/c there are SOME things we can eat post WLS from a drive thru that aren't completely horrible) will trigger me to keep doing it over and over and over. It's a slippery slope and I just don't want to go back down it...
I have managed to ward of the french fry demons this week, but have had some things I wouldn't have usually eaten if I wasn't sick. I ate a lean pocket for lunch and one for dinner the other day. The next day I had a lean cuisine chicken club panini for lunch....and I've had my fair share of crackers over the past few days. Something about eating crackers when I'm sick that is comforting...I dunno what it is. So, I have definitely had some processed carbs, but I feel okay about eating them because they were a better choice than greasy french fries. So, this morning...I woke up STILL wanting them damn fries. Ergh! The only thing I could think of that would get my mind off those damned fries was to weigh myself. But, I had conflict. Two of em to be exact. 1...like I said earlier....it's that t.o.m for me and ladies we all know what that means for us and the scale. Water weight is a biatch and can cause unnecessary emotional and mental torment to ourselves! 2....I committed to NOT weighing outside of my committed monthly weigh in on the 8th of each month.
What to do? I decided to weigh in anyway...Rebel, I know! I wanted to see how much progress I've made. Before weighing, I knew I have lost weight b/c I can feel it and I can see it... (funny how I can tell the difference of a few pounds these days---that is something I could never tell when I was morbidly obese).
So, I got on the scale and...wait for it... the number read...236.4!!!!! That is a total loss of:
- 14.4 lbs since December 26th
- 8.6 lbs since January 8th
- 175.6 lbs since surgery
- 3.4 lbs away from being back to my lowest weight since surgery (which was 233lbs in August 2010)!!
So, anyway, I was so excited about seeing that number that it gave me all the courage I needed to stay away from any french fries!
Yay! Side note: After I weighed in, I realized that I was supposed to weigh-in today for the start of a self-change project I am doing for school. In this project, we have to change one of our behaviors to accomplish a goal. The behavior I am changing is counting calories. I HATE it with a passion, but I need to do to determine if I am eating enough calories (I recently learned that this may be the reason I havent been able to lose weight over the past year--I am not taking in enough calories and I am not eating often enough through out the day and my body is holding on to everything it gets--all this as it is still going thru the "WTF just happened to me" proccess and adjusting to losing so much weight in such a short period of time). Aside from that, I need to count calories to continue losing and I need it to be a habit by the time I get to maintenance. I am using www.fitnesspal.com to track and so far, it hasn't been too bad. I am gathering a baseline and then I am gonna go talk to my nut to see where I should be calorie wise.
Moving on...since I've been sick, I haven't done any exercise...unless you count laying on the couch...or walking from the couch to my bed. Then, in that case, I've done tons of it...LOL. So, I know when I get back to normal it will take me a minute to get back up to speed, but I will get there. I am excited to keep going and see how much more progress I can make. :-)
Coming up next...I'm gonna show you the Chicken Alfredo Pizza I made this morning...
Lots of Love,
PS--It has taken me 2 hours to do this post...blah, ugh, ergh, brrrnt. Ready to feel better anytime now...be patient with me as I do the Chicken Alfredo Pizza post...it's coming, I promise.
PSS--I hope there arent too many typos...I've tried to go thru and check/fix them, but I'm so done....bare with me if there are some screw ups in this one...or any of them for that matter (as I know there are). :-)